Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
