Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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