She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
