i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
