yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
