I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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