I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
