i think i have herpe
just one?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
