ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
