My sheets look like a crime scene.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
