roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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