the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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