The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
