I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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