Got a toothbrush?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
