I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Ketchup is God's man juice
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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