you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
