Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
