Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
