I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
