I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
