they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
