i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
