Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
