the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
