everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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