I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Randomize
