and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
