there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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