I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
