Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
