break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
