I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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