i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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