burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Your penis caused this!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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