Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
