sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
