i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
