I like my sex mixed with concussions.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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