i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
