where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
