Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
