did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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