I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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