Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
