i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
