Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
