I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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