i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
