she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
