ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
