The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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