hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
